Resolution Tuesday #6

OK, a little improvement here.  I have yet to disengage from my bout of uber-mothering, but it is Tuesday and I am here and I am posting. 

Imperatrix and (un)relaxeddad asked about why recruiting is a big deal.  It’s only a big and complicated deal if your child is trying to get into one of the best universities in the country with one of the best rowing teams in the country.  And then it is like trying to dance a Scottish reel without any idea of what the steps are.  Middle is so busy trying to row faster and get great grades this semester that he is swamped. 

So am I overmothering here?  My stated goal is to mother less, but no less than necessary.  Middle has committed to a really ambitious goal.  He wants help in the process.  So I have taken a small detour away from my own work and focussed on his behalf on learning as much as I can about how the recruiting process works and what he can do to ensure that he gets what he is hoping for. 

I don’t know if it is because he is my Middle, but I think he has always had a niggling sense that somehow I don’t love him as much as the other two.  I think my involvement in this process, talking with him about it, strategizing and supporting him, is really helping him really feel loved.

Is there anything more necessary than that?

10 thoughts on “Resolution Tuesday #6

  1. Sounds like you are doing just the right thing. It’s not overmothering if he invites your involvement and is grateful for it. He’s lucky to have a mom who is willing to do all that research for him. Hope he gets in!

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with twosquaremeals! Kids need support most especially during these transition times. My parents were splitting up when i was in the process of looking at colleges — i really needed their guidance (and i was not a needy kid), and i still wonder today where i might have gone if i’d had more adult help at that time.

  3. I think you’re right to help. I did all my college recruitment alone with no help from my parents, and when it was my brother’s turn they presumed he would do the same. Cue very surprised parents when he got into the university of his choice at the last minute but there were no places left in the dorms and they had to fork out rent for him to live in town.
    Hope it all goes well.

  4. Just discovered your blog yesterday. I have a 16-year old soccer player (boy), so your thoughts about teenagers, messy rooms, sports, college, etc. really resonated. We’re doing much the same thing on the uptight East Coast. I like the idea of mothering less, but no less than necessary. “Controlled failure” is not a bad thing.
    RE: college athletics & scholarships: A parent on our soccer team just sent this link to a NY Times article – gives a good reality check:

  5. I worry about that niggling feeling too.
    I think Middle needs you to do this thing with him. I’m 42 and so glad my mother is still willing to walk next to me when I need her!

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